Because our hearts matter

We need our hearts, not just in the physical sense, in an emotional sense we need our hearts.  We need our hearts, to love, to be kind, to have compassion and to care.  Our hearts are our relational centre. There’s a decision making tool that goes like this: Take a few deep breaths and centre yourself.  Hold the problem in your head for a few minutes and listen for the answers, then in your heart for a few minutes and then in your gut.  Our hearts give answers that are relational, remember they are feeling this, forgive them, this is what’s happening between you, work with them, forgive yourself.  We need our hearts to make wise decisions, we need them for collective, collaborative working that can change the world.  Our hearts give us courage and passion and without them, our courage can fail and passion can fade.  We need our hearts in our lives, as present and available as possible.  And when we lose someone, a group, a team, something important to us, a situation, an event or a sense of being, wellbeing, security, self worth, health, if our hearts don’t have their say, if our hearts aren’t held in kindness and listened to so that they get to speak all their love and hurt, confusion, anger, frustration, joy, gratitude and pain, they get stuck, lost, disappear, go into hiding, seek ways to numb out.  And our lives suffer for it.  Taking the steps of the grief recovery method gives your grieving heart a place to breathe, to be heard, to find reassurance and acceptance. And gradually your heart can come back and take its place in your life and you can live with all your heart.  Our hearts matter.

There are many wonderfully supportive ways to be heard, by heart-centred therapists and healers. If you seek structure, action and a set number of sessions to feel secure and allow your heart to speak, the Grief Recovery Method is for you. Curious? Click here to book a free initial chat online.

Back into lockdown

To everyone in the newly locked down suburbs of melbourne, I wish you didn’t have to do this and I am so grateful to you. I can’t imagine the level of frustration, anger and anguish that being put back into lockdown is creating.  Just when you were feeling some relief in getting back to some normal routines and getting back on your feet, you’ve lost the freedom that you had and the sense of hope that it was all going to be over soon.  With loss comes grief and your feelings are a normal and natural response to the loss you’re experiencing right now.  As best you can, allow and name how you’re feeling, to yourself at least, and if you have a safe person to talk to, tell them.  (The helplines are available too if you don’t have someone safe in your life.) Remember that everyone grieves in their own way and everyone’s relationship to the situation is unique.  Your response to the lockdown may be very different to your family and friends.  This doesn’t mean they are not grieving too – and it doesn’t make your feelings wrong. 

If you have friends or family in the lockdown areas, try to be a safe place for them to say how they feel, air their protest and let the tears fall if they are there.  Resist the urge to say how necessary this is and that you just have to get on with it.  While these are intellectually true, they are emotionally unhelpful in these conversations, try to be a non-judgmental listening ear, without interruption or analysis, it will help.  Your hearts matter ❤️

2020’s lost hopes and dreams

This week’s roller coaster ride has been frustration and anger, exasperation and anguish.. and peering into a deeper hole of despair that can appear to me in difficult times.  I had a plan, I had a plan, it was a good plan, hard fought for,  emotionally, intellectually and spiritually… and it was working and it felt great and my hopes were high and I could see the path in front of me at last.  And then corona virus… and my hopes and expectations for 2020 and building a foundation for the future evaporated, melted away, crumbled into a pile of dust.  

Lost hopes, dreams and expectations…conflicting feelings in response to a change in a familiar pattern of behaviour… I’m grieving… grieving the loss of my hopes and expectations for this year and the loss of certainty in where I was heading.  In contrast to my older habits of coping, I reached out, spoke my truth to listening ears, recognised the source and spectrum of my feelings, and used my grief recovery steps to find peace.  I’m feeling grateful now, to the listeners in my life, to John James, whose heart created the Grief Recovery Method, to my teachers and to my heart, for recognising the dive and pulling me out of it ❤️

If you are experiencing a roller coaster of emotions and curious about learning how to recover from the multitude of losses we experience in life, click here to book into the Recovering from Loss webinar or click here to book a 1:1 chat with me.

A day for mothers and mothering

It was Mother’s Day yesterday in Aus, so many conflicting emotions are held in this day, the joy and love and the sorrow and pain, the yearning to hug and kiss, that can only be virtual right now.  To all of you who have taken on the incredible journey of motherhood, I am in awe of your hearts, your courage and your tenacity.  And my heart goes to those whose dreams of mothering have been stolen, through bereavement or biology, or a life path that missed the steps that led to family.  To the grieving mums and would-be mums, my heart is with you.  To the grieving children, whose mum’s have died or who didn’t receive the mothering they so needed, my heart goes to you.  And my thanks go to the mothering ones, to all of you who have mothered, through your work, through your conversations and your connections, through the ideas and service you have brought to life, through the care you’ve taken of your selves, your friends, your pets and your community. ❤️

A story of grief and recovery

When my friend died suddenly in May 2018 I couldn’t speak about her, I had so much pain, guilt, regret and sorrow in my heart, it was too painful to even think about our friendship. I was drawn to grief recovery because I wanted to get back to listening work and training to be a grief recovery specialist called to me.  It wasn’t until I experienced the grief recovery method steps as part of that training, that I felt the healing effect of this extraordinarily profound program.  Being able to remember my friend, with sadness yes and also with love and peace and joy, and to bring her back into my life without the pain that had been there… I am grateful beyond words… ❤️ In memory of my friend, who brought light, love and laughter to everyone she met. 

Breathe

Emails are different these days aren’t they?  There’s less corporate speak and there seems to be more messages written from the heart.  The Ceres Fresh Food email brought tears to my eyes yesterday, so much care and love and raw experience was being expressed, it undoes me.  I’ve noticed how much I’m trying to reduce what’s happening, thinking how it could be worse, other things have been worse…and realised its my protective mechanism, because to sit with the reality of the suffering that’s going on in the world right now, it’s too much, it’s too heartbreaking. And I feel so helpless… my impulse is to get out and DO something, but those avenues are not open to me at this point. So to stop the spiral I keep coming back to breath…breathe….do what you can, join where you can….breathe. Hand on heart…feet on the ground. Breathe.  If you’re having trouble calming yourself, nature can help…immerse yourself in these calming moments and deliberately take some long slow breaths as you do.  Long slow breaths turn on your parasympathetic nervous system, switching you from stress response to relaxation response – and a moment can make a difference.  Calming waters of Loch Ness Calming birdsong in the forest ❤️

Grief in these times

In these last (is it only 3?) weeks, as I’ve watched the death toll rise, the world shut down and the anxiety and panic that has set in, I’ve wept, I’ve felt angry, sad, anxious, in disbelief and resigned. I’ve been moved to tears by the kindness and togetherness that’s being shown, and felt thankful for the adaptability and ingenuity of us humans when we put our hearts and minds together.  I’m grieving the loss of certainty, life as it once was, the loss of my old working life, in-person gatherings with friends, and just being out and about, sharing time with other human beings.  Yesterday I was happy to be sharing virtual time with friends, this morning I woke full of sadness for the world, for those whose friends and relatives have died and the those who are experiencing fear and anxiety. Grief is our normal and natural emotional response to loss of any kind, and most poignantly at the moment, it can be defined as the conflicting emotions caused by the end of a familiar pattern of behaviour (The Grief Recovery Institute). I’m grieving….  And if you’re experiencing a range of different emotions at what can seem like random moments, you too may be grieving.  You are not alone ❤️ Find someone safe to talk to who can listen without judgment, criticism or analysis and as best you can, be someone safe to talk to.  If you’re struggling to find someone through other means, The Listening Project may be able to help.

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